The Carver

There’s my latest victim. She’s really perfect, now that I get a closer look at her. There she is just standing there, unsuspecting of what I have planned for her. I approach my prey stealthily and inspect her from up close. I smile at the treasure I had found. Working my charm, I grab her and lead her outside of the supermarket and gently show her to my car. She doesn’t put up a fight. Why should she?

Being the gentleman that I am, I open the door for her and take her in my arm as we walk our way up the driveway. The key slides into the lock and it clicks open. I swing the door open and try to impress her with the size of the house. Our tour was to start with the kitchen. I leave her there alone, and take the rest of the groceries out of the car. My prey sits quietly and lonely at the kitchen counter.

If she knew I was behind her, she’d be filled with terror, she may even scream. So I try and glide across the hardwood floor, trying to shift my weight on the tip of my toes. I grip the knife in my hand and stealthily approach the prey. Why hesitate? I grabbed her and stuck the knife into the top of her head.

Using a sawing motion, I feel the resistance of the outer skin. There’s a gentle, numbing sound of the actual cutting as I try my best to cut a hole in the top of her head. Some of the juice contained within squirt in my eye. This part was always messy, but it was fun. Why cut a hole in her head, you might ask? Well there’s no better way to extract the innards.

Besides, what I’m doing is an art. There’s a method to this madness, and I’ve got to make sure that she looks perfect. With a tug, I pull out the circle that I had cut out. The fibers underneath desperately try to cling to the piece that I wrench out. I reach in, wearing latex gloves of course, the hole that I had just completed and massage the wet mush from within. Perhaps I’ll make a meal of it later on. You may think I’m insane but I think it smells incredible in its raw form. Just bringing it to my face, I want to eat it right then and there, but I know I have more pressing work to do. I have to make sure the inside is perfectly clean.

There. All necessary cuts have been made. Beautiful and efficient, ever slice was economic and deliberate, not a single swipe of the blade gone to waste. She’s nearly ready. I take a candle and place it insider her now empty skull. The gourd fills with a baked pumpkin smell that exits the eyes, nose, and mouth in an invisible, warm smoke. This is going to be a great Halloween, I think to myself, the kids are going to love my pumpkin carving this year.