Man, I’m tired. I can’t even walk to the bus stop straight. Whoa! Fell off the sidewalk there. I better keep it together until the bus arrives.
Another day, another dollar. What am I going to do when I get home? I think I’ll go put my things away, get out of this filthy uniform, and take a long bath. Then I’ll go make myself some dinner, wash the dishes, and… What else do I have to do? Oh yeah, I have bills to pay. Maybe then I’ll have some time to watch television. I’d probably be too exhausted to though. Maybe I can start on my grocery list for tomorrow. I should start planning my weekend.
I wish my life were a little bit more interesting. Maybe I should subscribe to some sort of magazine. Then I’ll have something to look forward to coming home to. Maybe I should get some sort of pet. An animal companion would be nice… but nah, as much as I would love to have one around its too much hassle to care for one. Besides, I just can’t afford it right now. A plant… hmmm a plant, now that I can manage. It’s possible but I may have to get rid of my shower from time to time. I cannot upset my schedule. I am a very busy person.
Well, I guess the rest of my night is planned out already. Man, where is that bus? What am I so cranky about? It’s never on time. God, I am so tired right now. Hmm, yuck! There’s a funny taste in my mouth. Maybe I can get some gum from the market this weekend. I better remember to add that to my grocery list when I get home. My mouth would never taste like this if it were constantly moving. Ahem! Wow, my throat is filled with phlegm. I probably wouldn’t have been able to speak with anyone under these conditions. It’s a good thing that no one at work talks to me. Otherwise, I’d open my mouth and instead of my voice, there would be that gruesome smell that accompanies that funny taste, blech!!! What a thought!!!
Oh hey, what’s this in my pocket? I guess I did have a stick of gum left over. I must have missed it this morning when I left. I don’t know why I’m always in a hurry. Well, I guess I better save this baby for tomorrow. This saved me a bus trip to the market. I hate messing up my schedule for trifle affairs.
Well, that’s the highlight of my… Oh my god, here she comes. God, she looks so beautiful. Her hair’s all frayed and she’s in her uniform and she looks tired from another day of work. But… oh jeez… I can’t even look at her straight… Her eyes… they’re so beautiful. I bet she has a prettier smile, or maybe even her voice. I don’t think that any other man would feel this way about her. But with my luck, somebody probably already does. But I don’t see a ring. Why can’t I, just once, go up and say hi to her?
Hi Sienna. It’s me. Do you remember me? Do you remember who I am? Do you remember when it rained and we had to share a newspaper, using it as an umbrella? We ran underneath that big tree for cover and quietly waited for the bus. How about the time the bus arrived an hour late and we stood around talking to each other. We laughed at how kooky our lives are without each other.
What about the day we met? You sneezed and I said, “Bless you” and I also told you how beautiful your eyes are. I began to sweat profusely and you began to squirm about in your heavy coat. Then I got even more nervous. You ran your fingers through your hair ever so gracefully. Remember? You smiled… and then I smiled… of course you don’t remember any of it, Sienna… It never happened. Well most of it never happened. God, I wish I could see you smile. Well, none of it happened outside of my little world. My world where I torture myself with the knowledge that you’re not mine and I am not yours.
We see each other practically everyday at this very same spot. It took me weeks maybe even months for me to scrounge up enough courage to say bless you when you sneezed. Even then, you barely heard me, and I wasn’t even facing you. I probably wouldn’t even know your name if it weren’t for that nametag of yours that you wear. I wish I could talk to you the way I talk to myself.
Sometimes, I wonder. Do you ever go home to someone? Boyfriend? Husband? Children? Would you want to if you don’t? I’d like to be the one, to be the one that you come home to every night. What if you don’t like me? Oh god, I wish you could hear me thinking. Maybe, if I concentrate real hard… nothing? I didn’t think that that would work.
What if today is the day? What if today is the day I do or die? Maybe you’ll come up and talk to me. I better be ready for it… Oh well, I can always get more gum this weekend. Ah… That feels much better. No more funny taste in my mouth. Oh God! What if you ask me for a stick of gum? Now I have nothing to offer you. I’m such an idiot… No, maybe you won’t ask me that. Let me see I’ll clear my throat. Ahem. Ah, there, that’s much better. There now, I’m ready to converse with my sidewalk angel.
I’ll just… No, I can’t… not yet. Maybe I can get up earlier and find out what time she gets here in the morning. But what about my schedule?!? That doesn’t matter anymore, not when it comes to my angel. But still… I don’t think I can stand rejection. Especially rejection from her. God when am I…
Oh no! Here comes the bus. I’d say that’s about five or six blocks away. What am I going to do? I have to go talk to her… N-N-No… yea, I have to… uh…I can’t. Today’s not the day… God… my hands are so sweaty.
It’s gotten hotter, whew! Well at least I have dried my hands now. I’ll just reach for the fare. Whoops! I don’t want to trip over the side like I did last time. That was embarrassing. I better hold on to the handrail here… Oh my god! I’m touching her hand! It slipped… by accident! Say something…
“Oh… Uh… Sorry… I’m sorry,” I can’t believe I did that. I’m such an idiot.
“That okay,” Oh man, she talked to me… and she smiled… at me! Well… oh man, do I have the right change? Yep. I can’t believe that just happened. Wow. There are a lot of people on today. No seats are available. Um, whoa, I was very wrong. There’s one right there right beside her.
I guess I have no choice. She’s moving? She must be getting up out of her seat. No wait, she’s giving me the window seat?
“Uh, you don’t have to move…”
“Oh, I don’t mind… My stop comes before yours anyway… Just trying to save some time this way…” Oh my god, she knows me. How else would she know I’m still on the bus when she gets off? Oh, Sienna, I’ve been dreaming of… Who am I kidding? I better not get carried away…
It’s been a couple of blocks already and I haven’t even looked her way let alone start a conversation. I’m so nervous to just turn around and face her. I don’t have to look at her; I can just turn around… No I can’t. At least I’m looking at her now. Well, her reflection at least… in the window. Gee, she looks lonely. Is she looking at me? Nah, she can’t be. Jeez, why can’t I say anything? I think her stop is coming up soon.
“Um, Lance?”
“Huh?” Oh my god, she knows my name? How did she…
“You think you can ring the bell before the third stop for me? I can’t reach it from here.”
“Uh… oh… oh, sure… sure I will,” I can’t stop smiling, and neither can she. Sienna, you’re trying to hide that smile from me. Why? I’m turning a beet red. And what’s this? So is she! Is your heart palpitating as rapidly as mine is? Wait a minute…
“Um, How did you know what my name was?”
“Oh, uh, you used to wear a name tag… didn’t you?”
“Oh yeah…” Wow, I haven’t worn that since about a week after we met, Sienna. That was about a couple months ago.
“Well, Lance, here comes my stop.”
“Oh yes, of course…” I’ll just pull this rope here…
“Thanks.”
“No problem,” We’ve been hiding our smiles the whole way.
“So, Lance, I’ll see you here same time tomorrow?”
“Um… Sure… Definitely… Sienna,” She’s smiling. So beautiful. And she’s biting her lip. Oh, she is so cute! Sienna, you’re almost as red as I am.
“Then it’s a date… bye,” She whispered a goodbye to me. Me! She’s waving at me with her cute little finger. I better wave back. Bye Sienna, my love. ‘Till tomorrow.
Wow… this has been quite a worthwhile day. You know what? I might as well go get some gum at the market today, and while I’m out, why not rent a movie or two. After all the bills will still be here tomorrow for me to pay off. I can always put my schedule on hold.
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