Tell Us About Yourself

[A young man is seated center stage facing the audience. He’s wearing a cheap suit with a poorly tied tie and sneakers. He gestures towards the audience as if shaking hands with them.]

What was that? Sure, I’ll tell you a little bit about myself. Um, I graduated high school 10 years ago and did some work for my father who owns this hardware store just outside of the city. I mean, I love him and everything and we get along fine but we were always butting heads so I quit. It was better to leave that situation before either of us said anything that we were going to regret. A part of me wishes that I didn’t make a scene in front of all those customers. We talked the following day and I apologized and he wished me luck in whatever it was that I planned to do with my life. At the time, I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life so I just sort of took my things and went north and stayed with my brother, Luke, who had just graduated college. Dad was always proud of him but I could never do what Luke does for a living.

I mean, his life is his life and mine is mine, you know? Besides, I never really had that much patience with sitting in a classroom so to get a degree after four years just so you could go to school for four more years and basically be an intern for two more… That’s ten years, man, of just being in school and being taught stuff. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m more of a hands on type of guy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure college is great for some people but I’m not some people. I’m different, you know? I even tried college for about two years before realizing it wasn’t the path for me.

What I realized is that—What was that? Oh, it changed from semester to semester. One time I had wanted to major in history. I was really good at history in high school. And I loved that too but there were just way too many essays to write, man. And all the reading was overwhelming. If I could I probably would have been able to write a book and read a whole library of history books but that’s the thing. None of the classes offered the books or subjects that I wanted to know about, what I wanted to read about. They would throw out these years and names but I wanted to know the people, you know? Like, the way I see it is history is about all these people who made some sort of impact on the world but they were just that: people. I wanted to know what made them tick but I guess they don’t teach that so I changed majors.

I remember when I got into art, then creative writing (both within the same semester, I think). Those were fun but the other kids in that class were annoying. A lot of them were trying to become the next Proust or Rembrandt but I just wanted to create things. Not to say that I was like any of those geniuses but didn’t Proust and Rembrandt at one point in their young lives say to themselves, “I just want to create stuff?” But people nowadays don’t want to create stuff, they want to get noticed. I don’t know how I feel about that stuff, really. Getting famous just doesn’t seem like much of a real goal. I want to make a real mark in this world and matter. I don’t care about strangers knowing who I am and coming up to me on the street.

That’s when I realized that maybe I should study some sort of science or something because scientists, they’re always making a huge impact on this world in some way. But they’re never recognized, you know? Sure, people know what Einstein looked like but no one can point out Jonas Salk in a line up. You know most people my age don’t even know who Jonas Salk is. Stuff like that drives me crazy that one of the most important people in the twentieth century is somehow a nobody in today’s culture. I wish I could say that I found my passion in the sciences but I just couldn’t do it. Science, math, engineering: That stuff is great and all but I just don’t have the right brain for it or something because I find it incredibly interesting but I just don’t understand any of it. Like I said, Luke was always the smarter one anyway.

There were a bunch of other subjects I was interested in but could never see myself sitting through a whole semester of lectures for them. I would go from psychology to anthropology. I majored in communications one year but that was pretty much so I could get to know this one girl. Her name was Katy and—I’m sorry? Oh, of course. Well, no that’s no trouble at all; you see I finally dropped out of college after two and a half semesters. I realized that college wasn’t for me. I couldn’t stay cooped up in a classroom and get force fed information I didn’t want to know or couldn’t understand. I figured the best thing for me would be to get out into the real world and experience life for itself. I hardly thought that I would find myself buried in some textbook or lounging around in a dorm or a fraternity house so I just quit.

I considered going back to my dad’s hardware store but it would just be such a step back for me. I had already seen a little bit more in the world and that little taste whetted my appetite. You could say that I had always been a little kid at heart always wanting to go on a new adventure whenever I could. Since dropping out of school I did a few paintings, travelled around the country a bit when I was playing for a band. There’s another life that I don’t think I was cut out for. It looks fun and everything but being a musician is nowhere near as glamorous as people think. I still play my guitar from time to time and all the money I’ve been earning for the past six months has been from selling my paintings and doing odd jobs all over the city.

I don’t really have much experience in what your company does. To tell you truth, I really don’t know much about your company but that’s why I’m here. Like I said earlier, I’m one of those guys that like to take life by the horns and see where it leads me. I’m a hands-on type of learner and I really think I’d be a great asset to your team if you’ll have me. Thanks for having me. I really appreciate it.

[His phone rings as soon as he walks out of the building’s front door. He answers.]

Hi, Katy.

Yeah, I just got out.

No, I don’t think I got it. It’s just the way they were looking at me, you know? I don’t think they understood me, where I was coming from, you know?

No! I can’t tell them that [laughs]

Yeah, I know… I know… I know you do, I love you too. I’m just frustrated that’s all.

I’ll do it. It’s no trouble, really.

I’m totally sure. The bus stops right there anyway. Now what do you want me to pick up?

[beat]

Okay… okay… Geez, are we out of that stuff already? I’m going to have to call you when I’m there because I don’t know what kind of formula you want me to get. And diapers too? All right, I’ll call you later. I love you too. Bye.

[He hangs up and puts the phone in his pocket, wiping a tear from his eye as he walks off stage.]

End