You Know Who You Are

I'd like to think that there is only one person reading this at this very moment on this very day. You know who you are. This day is very important to you and you already know why. I'm sure that even if we were still speaking with each other, chances are that you still wouldn't be here reading these very words. So maybe this is more for my benefit than it is yours. But I don't see any other way of letting you know that I'm still here... That is, if I'm needed. Maybe it's naivete or narcissism on my part, or maybe I'm just too goddamned lonely to let it go but.

There's a small albeit vocal part of me that's yearning to do whatever is necessary to forget that part of my life. That part with you in it that's, all at once, frustrating and exhilarating and familiar and new. But who am I kidding? I meant every word when I said I'm a better person for knowing you. I have no idea why I was a part of your life. That still confuses the hell out of me. I never questioned it mainly out of fear of jinxing the good thing we had going.

Moments when we were on the exact same page were rare but I treasured each and every one of them. Even then, however, I knew and possibly even you knew that I would never exceed that number two spot. There would always be that one person's shadow that I would be trying to crawl out of and we both know whose enormous shadow that is. I couldn't help but notice that all my better qualities that you enjoyed reminded you of the owner of said shadow. I let it slip, but it killed me whenever you made the comparison.

On the off-chance that you're reading this, I hope you take it easy today. For the most part, I'm putting this out there, not really expecting that you'd stumble upon this. Not that it'll happen, but vous êtes plus que l'accueil pour me contacter si vous voulez parler. Autrement, j'espère que tout est bien. Au revoir et j'adore.