Identity Theft

Bob Wells is a low-level thug with just enough intelligence to be justifiably resentful of the title he currently holds. The bar he walks into is Lobo’s, a generally accepted watering hole for the lower sects of the underworld. Mr. Wells frequents this place only when in a celebratory mood and today he has every reason to be. He walks in with an air of confidence fresh off an important job from Big Joe Brady. The job was relatively complex by low-level thug standards but gave Bob a real intellectual workout.

For most career criminals, the job would be completed and the money collected. But Bob Wells is far removed from most career criminals. The objective is usually a simple one; in this case it was to procure a flash drive from an office downtown. While most others would simply break into the office after closing hours, take the drive to Big Joe, and collect their cash, Bob decided to take the road less taken. And being in a celebratory mood, he has arrived at Lobo’s bar to brag of his latest conquest.

“Pour me a shot of the good stuff!” Bob yelled jovially at the bartender. “It’s a time of celebration! I’ve completed my biggest job to date.” Other than a few angered and annoyed stares his shouting drew little attention from anyone else.

Even through the thick haze of cigar smoke and bitter smell of day old beer, Bob was familiar with most of the faces currently at the establishment. He felt blessed to have such an odd camaraderie but the feeling, unknowingly to him, was not mutual. At the bar was the only unfamiliar face. It belonged to a middle aged man wearing a suit that would have looked nice if it was pressed and didn’t reek of alcohol. His face and hair were sloppily put together and he looked into his drink as if he were going to find the apparent hours of sleep that he had lost for the past week. Feeling as if he were able to share his natural high, Bob approached the dilapidated man.

“Cheer up, chum!” Bob demanded still in a celebratory mood. There was no response. “I just finished a huge job and I’d love to buy you a drink.” The stranger gave Bob the slightest of nods at the sound of a free drink. “Didn’t you hear me? I just finished a huge job! Barkeep, a beer for my new companion!”

A young man in his early twenties approached Bob and tugged his arm making a concerted effort to avoid eye contact with anyone, particularly the stranger. Bob turned around and slapped his hand on the young man’s shoulder. Reaching into his coat pocket he took out $200 in cold hard cash and slapped it playfully into the young man’s hand who hurried out of the bar.

“A friend of yours?” the stranger mumbled.

“He’s more like an associate,” Bob replied as the bartender brought them both drinks, “To be clearer, he is a cog in the first step to my most deviously plotted scheme to date.” The stranger’s furrowed eyebrows marked confusion but the self-delusional thief confused it as an indication for a more elaborate story.

“Do you know Sandover, that computer building just down the street?” Bob continued. The stranger’s interest seemed to be piqued once more as if Bob had mentioned another free beer. “Well, I just stole a very valuable flash drive from the confines of that secure building.”

“The hell you say,” the stranger responded, “I’m around this area a lot and I’ve seen you hanging around this bar for the past month or so. I just lost my job recently so I decided to come in for the first time today with no intention of leaving anytime soon.”

“It’s all part of my ingenious plan! Maybe you can do a job with me one of these days. You see, that building is secure at all entrances and exits, but once you get in, you’re free to roam around the premises as you please. And if anyone in the area, such as yourself, should see anyone steal anything from the building it won’t be me because as you said, I’ve been frequenting this establishment for the past month or so.”

“I’ll bite, little man, how’d you get in the building?”

Another young man, slightly older than the last, approached Bob and hastily stuck out his hand for the payout Bob was currently reaching for. Bob chuckled as he handed off the money and patted the young man on the back.

“You’ve already met the first step earlier. This, my friend, is the second step.” And the young man was clearly annoyed and struggled to leave the bar as soon as possible. “These kids today are always in a hurry to get somewhere else, aren’t they?”

“I’ll repeat myself: How did you get in the building?”

“Well, anyone who has walked past the building knows the only way to get inside is to first sneak pass the security guards in the parking lot. The next step is to get a magnetic security card to make sure the doors unlock. Isn’t technology a beautiful thing? But if you wait until well after hours, the security guards go home and you bypass that step altogether so the first step becomes getting through those locked doors.”

“I’m pretty sure they only let employees have those security cards.”

“That’s where Mr. Step One comes in. His job was to follow an employee, any employee would do, of that building and pretend to mug them. Sure, they might have stolen someone’s purse or wallet but the true objective was that security card, which Mr. Step One procured rather efficiently. As you saw just a few minutes ago he picked up his payment today. I assume he took the poor bastard’s money as well not just to cover his tracks, if you know what I mean.”

“So what was the job of the second guy?”

“On the off chance that our aforementioned mugging victim would be within the vicinity, I thought it would be wise to hire someone else to use the card and get the flash drive. It couldn’t be me since it would make it more difficult to distance myself from the actual theft.”

“Mr. Step Two was the one who actually went in there and did the dirty work.”

“Exactly! I hired a couple of young, ambitious tykes to commit these rather simple crimes, which were actually pieces to a much larger puzzle.”

“Why waste all that money on them? Why not take the risk and do it all yourself and keep the entire pay?”

“It’s a long term investment. If I get this job to run smoothly, which it did, then it could open the doors to much bigger jobs for me. I hire some kids to do the work at a small price. They beauty is that they’re from the other side of town to reduce the possibility of having them spotted in the area again. Also Mr.’s Step One and Step Two are in it for the quick cash whereas I’m in it for the big cash.”

“I suppose you’re lucky that the building doesn’t really check to see if the ID card matches the security card.”

“Very lucky indeed! Some places have a picture on the security cards themselves but fortunately for me, this building likes to keep a low profile and didn’t deem it necessary to take such precautionary measures. I did actually find out the poor guy’s name, though. But I really shouldn’t think about it otherwise I might start feeling sorry for Mr. James Truesdell.”

“You might not know what the guy you stole that from looks like, but you definitely succeeded in stealing his identity.”

“A very sophisticated form of identity theft, if you ask me,” Bob gloated smugly.

“And you just threw away that security card? What if someone finds it?”

“Actually,” Bob reaches in his pocket and throws the card and flash drive onto the bar, “I think it’d be a nice memento for this heist. The card and the money are for me and this little flash drive goes straight to Big Joe.”

“Big Joe…” The stranger lingered on the name for a second or two. He took the beer in his hand and downed it in a single gulp. With all his strength, the stranger struck Bob Wells on the back of the head sending him into a sloppy lump on the bar floor. The stranger reached into Bob’s coat pocket and pulled out a few hundred dollars and gave them to the bartender. He then took the security card and flash drive in his trembling hand.

“For all the mess. I apologize,” the stranger pulled out a cell phone and diligently did his best to sober up as he stumbled out of the bar and into the street, “Mr. Sandover! Mr. Sandover! It’s me, Jimmy! Jimmy Wells! Yes, sir I know you fired me earlier this afternoon but you won’t believe what good news I have for you!”