Thursday, January 31, 2013

One Last Goodbye




“Beatrice! Timmy!” the good Professor Emmett Peters called, “Family meeting in the den in five minutes!”

The Peters household was, needless to say, a unique one comprising of a father, son, and daughter who call the space within its many walls home. Since the passing of her mother some years ago Beatrice’s maturity has hastened her to be the reasonable one in the family. However, one must not underestimate the influence a father has on his daughter as Beatrice shares the same whimsical curiosity of her father, Emmett. The youngest is the precocious seven year old named Timmy who is sparse with his words but resents anyone who mistakes his quiet demeanor for shyness. After all, there’s no need to punish a boy who learned quicker than others that it is wise to be prudent with words in a world where there are so many useless ones thrown about.

“What is it, dad?” Beatrice asked as they gathered in the den. Timmy followed closely behind his sister who took his hand as he entered. “Is something wrong?”

“No, but I have a terrific announcement!”

“Did we get rid of that family of macaws in the attic?” Beatrice was referring to the Botanical Pulsar Antenna, one of many of her father’s inventions. Originally intended to make gardens grow more abundantly by emitting a frequency that simulated a spring-like climate at any time of the year. The result, however, was the migration of every bird within a five mile radius to their small street. Most of the birds found their way home a week later but those macaws called the Peters’ attic home.

Only one invention had ever resulted in complete success and has supported the Peters family all this time: the Waveform Pest Repellant. A variation on the Botanical Pulsar Antenna, the Waveform Pest Repellant used sound waves to deter insects and small vermin from entering a given distance from the emitter. It was a hit with summer parties aiming to keep mosquitoes away, amateur landscapers looking to spend less energy shooing away rodents and birds, and restaurants who could ill afford to display rat traps in a customers’ plain sight all without releasing any unwanted chemicals into the air.

“I think it’s well established that those macaws are part of the family now,” Emmett responded. “All that flapping and squawking, you’d think your grandmother was still around.” His daughter raised an eyebrow, not amused. Beatrice was very close to her grandmother who had passed away before Timmy was born. “Right… I would keep an eye out for an influx of small lizards though.”

“Why would you make something that attracts lizards?” Beatrice asked. Timmy’s eyes bounced back and forth between his sister and father’s amusing dialogue. It was one of Timmy’s favorite pastimes.

“I didn’t,” Emmett answered. “It was an accident. I just wanted to see what would happen if I reversed the polarity of the Waveform Pest Repellant and—well, lizards tend to go where the food is.”

“Oh, dad,” Beatrice shook her head disapprovingly as Timmy giggled quietly to himself. “I’m not sure warning us about lizards needed a family meeting, though.”

“Ah! Yes, well, that’s not why I called you to the den,” Emmett fussed over his worn lab coat, priming himself as if someone were about snap a picture. “I give you my latest invention!” He spread his arms out almost as widely as his smile was. The two children looked at him blankly, then at each other, and then aimlessly around the room, then finally back at their father.

“I don’t get it,” Beatrice commented. Emmett then looked at Timmy who then shrugged.

“Oh, right,” Emmett corrected himself. “I forgot to tell you that I managed to accomplish what Thomas Edison never could!”

“You were nice to Nikola Tesla? That’s great! Good for you, dad!”

“All right, none of that,” Emmett responded as he walked over the back wall of the den. He carefully removed a panel on the wall to reveal a chaotic network of wires and fuses and circuitry. “I’ve taken three separate inventions and combined them to create the pièce de résistance of my career: The Phantasm Extrapolator!

“I have long postulated that we all have, to some degree, some energy emitted in the form of brainwaves, psychic energy if you will. And I have also stated my hypothesis that said energy is not only unique to each individual but may leave residual imprints long after said individual is no longer with us. This phenomena results in what non-scientific folk might refer to as ghosts.”

Timmy and Beatrice held each other’s hand tightly partly because their dad may have found a way to capture ghosts and partly because they thought their father had gone mad. Admittedly, it’s likely more of the latter.

“Placed discreetly all around the house for the past few months were psychic sensors picking up on all psychic energies saturated in these walls. I take that data and put it into this processor, this bit with all the wires and things. And that gets translated through this holographic projector, which, as you know, projects holograms of whatever you program it to project. In this case, it’s whatever the psychic energy translates into.”

“Wouldn’t that be the ghosts?” Beatrice asked.

“Exactly,” her father answered, “But I took it a step further and coupled the device with my quantum manipulator. That didn’t work as well as originally intended but does just enough for what I need this machine to do which is to make the hologram a solid thing we can touch and feel.”

“Wait,” Beatrice was curious of the implications. “You want to touch the ghosts?” Timmy’s eyes widen as did Beatrice’s when they realized what this meant.

“It will be like they never died,” Emmett answered. “You can sit with them here, in the den, and carry out a conversation with them, embrace them, and possibly even smell them as if they were still with us. There are a few catches though.”

“Like what?” Beatrice asked.

“For one, the range on the holographic projector is limited so you have to stay in the den for this to work. The door has to be closed, lighting kept to a minimum. That’s why I moved the furniture a bit. Secondly, you can only conjure up people who have lived in this house for a substantial amount of time. We can’t bring back President Lincoln or Socrates or anyone like that. Their psychic signature has to be within this house, picked up by my sensors. In order to bring back someone, you just have to think of them. Those same sensors that detected the spirits’ psychic energy pick up on yours and conjure up the person closest to your heart at the moment you walk into the den.”

“Well, why isn’t anything happening?”

“I haven’t turned it on yet,” Emmett answered, “We can only go in one at a time otherwise we might overload the system and blow up the house.”

“We haven’t had that happen in a long time,” Beatrice added. There was little sarcasm as explosions followed Emmett regularly, though luckily, none of them resulted in anyone being seriously injured. “So, only in the den, one of us at a time, and all we have to do is think of someone and they appear?”

“Yes!”

“How do you know it works?”

“I don’t. Not yet,” Emmett responded to his daughter, “I was going to test it myself, and assuming everything works out just fine you two can use it too.” Timmy looked up at Beatrice who was simultaneously concerned, confused, and excited.

The good professor reached into the circuits into the wall and fiddled around until there was a sharp CLICK sound. The walls hummed as Emmett gestured for his children to exit the den. He closed the door behind them. The humming echoed throughout the entire house, shaking the windows and frightening the two children. Their father didn’t make a sound but they could see a soft, rose colored light emanating from the space beneath the door leading to the den.

The quiet was deafening. Timmy shook, frightened, debating with himself if a trip to the den to have a chat with someone formerly living was worth the trouble. Beatrice wrapped an arm around her little brother though she was nervous herself. She knew she wanted to try out this Phantasm Extrapolator but she wasn’t sure who she missed more, her mother or her grandmother. An hour passed before Emmett emerged from the other side. His children ran to meet him.

Beatrice and Timmy looked at their father who had a serene look on his face. His smile was much smaller than usual but the look in his eyes told them he was happier than he had been in quite some time. Their father looked well rested and one might argue that he probably just took a nap and dreamed up what he was about to tell them.

“Well,” Emmett said, just nodding at his children, “It works… it actually works!” He embraced them tightly though they weren’t exactly sure if it really had worked. Timmy noticed it first. There was a faint smell of lavender on his father’s lab coat. It was the smell of their mother’s perfume! Timmy couldn’t stop smelling it, taking in deep breaths hoping to imprint the memory of that smell into his lungs forever. Beatrice clung to the lab coat and did the same. She took a step back and noticed the single tear welling in her father’s eye. He tried his best to hide it from her but when Emmett saw that she had figured out he was crying he whispered in his daughter’s ear, “Mommy says hello.”

Beatrice stepped back again and Emmett lifted Timmy up off the ground. He nodded to his daughter to let her know that it was okay to use the Phantasm Extrapolator now. She hesitated and looked at her father as if to say, I don’t know who to conjure up.

“Just walk in and close the door sweetie. The censors will know who you’re feeling strongest about that very instant,” Emmett answered as he held little Timmy close, the young boy’s head leaning on his shoulder. Beatrice entered the den and shut the door. The walls hummed and shook and the pink glow emitted under the door again.

Timmy wasn’t sure who he’d talk to. He felt a bit guilty as if he was not missing someone enough as he should be. The censors will sense who you miss the most whether you know you miss them or not, his father assured him. But perhaps, Timmy wondered, he was too young to feel the sting of death. It was a fortunate position on his part, to be certain, but Timmy still wondered why he still felt so sad all the time. While his family loved him, he still felt like the loneliest little boy on the planet.

His mother passed away when he was young and never got a good chance to know her. He never had the chance to know his grandmother either so maybe the psychic sensors wouldn’t pick up on anything. Maybe, Timmy speculated, he would sit in that den all alone bathed in the warm rose-colored light and still be alone. He wanted someone to talk to, someone other than his sister and his father to play with. He hated himself for hating Beatrice whenever she went out with her friends’. Not that he hated spending time helping his father tinker with some quirky contraption but a boy needed to be around other boys. There was only the memory of Taylor who was the closest to an actual friend Timmy had but wasn’t sure if Taylor had actually counted him as one.

The door to the den squeaked open and Beatrice’s face was red, her eyes welled up with tears, and a smile spread across her face. Emmett put Timmy down and the two walked towards her to give her a hug. She smelled of the same moth ball stench that her grandmother had smelled of, Emmett told Timmy. It lasted only a few minutes but the smells were so real that they could have lasted a lifetime. Beatrice didn’t say a word, just kept smiling as she bent over to hug her baby brother who had a blank look on his face. Emmett and Beatrice stepped back to let young Timmy walk into the den. He looked back and saw their eager faces. All he could do was furrow his eyebrows as if to say, I don’t think it’ll work for me. Emmett just smiled assuredly and gestured for his son to get in the room.

Timmy walked inside and closed the door behind him. It was dimly lit, as was expected but he found his way to the center of the room and sat on the floor. The entire room hummed but strangely the hum was quieter on the inside of the den than it was outside. The pink light emanated from the circuits that were built into the wall growing brighter and brighter. At first, it felt as if the room was still empty, that the Phantasm Extrapolator hadn’t worked. That was until Timmy distinctly heard breathing behind him.

Understandably, it frightened him at first. He knew he was alone when he entered the room but there’s nothing more powerful than the imagination of a seven year old boy. Timmy took a deep breath and gulped down his dread and anxiety, turning slowly to see who exactly was breathing behind him. His jaw dropped, his eyes widened, and his pupils became pinpoints at the center of them. Timmy fell to his knees, his mouth curling into a large smile.

“Taylor?” Timmy asked. Taylor slowly walked towards him and leaned his face towards Timmy’s and licked the tears streaming down the boys face. Timmy wrapped his arms around the dog thinking he would never have a chance to say goodbye to him. “I miss you so much!” Timmy exclaimed, smiling as he saw Taylor’s tail wag uncontrollably.

Emmett and Beatrice were curious as to who the extrapolator had chosen to conjure up for the baby of the family. They conversed of their experiences, Emmett explaining how their mother looked just as she did when they had married. Beatrice described feeling warm and secure in her grandmother’s arms as if she was still around. But then a ruckus from the den interrupted their talk. It sounded as if Timmy were running around in laps. Beatrice ran to open the door but her father stopped her warning that it may destroy the extrapolator and hurt Timmy. The running turned into laughing, uncontrollable laughter that they had not heard from Timmy in quite some time. The door opened and an exhausted but elated Timmy emerged from the other side.

“Are you okay, son?” Emmett asked. The boy nodded. Beatrice noticed the dog hairs on Timmy’s clothes and showed her father. Beatrice was about to make a comment but Emmett motioned her to stop. Timmy deserved to feel this happy. Just then the circuitry of the extrapolator sparked and shot a small fireball into the air. Emmett instinctively pulled his children away from the burning section of wall in the den. An inventor as active as he was always had a fire extinguisher at the ready. He charged into the small room and put out the fire.

Most components of the Phantasm Extrapolator had been lost to that small explosion, burnt beyond recognition. However, Timmy’s experience with it proved that one need not be dead in order to be brought back home. What Beatrice wanted to point out was that Taylor, the family dog, didn’t die but ran away. He may have died; there was really no way to know. All that Timmy knew was that his best friend was gone and would never come back. To a child like Timmy, there was nothing more tragic than losing a friend forever. It’s always a difficult time when one had to say goodbye. There would always be words that you thought you could have said. But thanks to Emmett’s Phantasm Extrapolator he, Beatrice, and Timmy were given the rare opportunity to make just one last goodbye to the one’s they loved so dearly.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Bump in the Night





There isn’t much that intimidates my wife. After all, her career dictates that she goes toe to toe with $2000-suit-wearing corporate lawyers, which she does rather successfully. In the many years that I’ve known her the only things that do seem to scare her happen in the dark. And I’m assuming that’s the single most important reason she married me: to defend her against things that go bump in the night. Working in high-end security (I’m not really authorized to tell you much detail beyond that) has trained me in the art of protecting lives even if it is from the dangers of my wife’s imagination. Being woken up in the middle of the night every so often is a small price to pay for the love of my life. Besides, this last incident was understandable as she had an important meeting with Omni Tech’s legal team early the next morning presumably so she could better figure out a way to decimate them in court. She would have never been able to get to sleep if I didn’t go check it out. I’d hate for her to worry.

“Baby,” she whispered. I pretended not to hear her. “Baby, are you awake?” she whispered a bit louder while shaking my shoulder gently. My eyelids hesitated to open.

“What is it, sweetie?” I already knew the answer. Sometimes all I had to do was stay awake, and wrap my arms around her for her to calm down.

“Downstairs!” she exclaimed, still not too much louder than a whisper.

“Downstairs?” I asked. At that hour of the night I was unsure if I was genuinely skeptical or too tired to be genuinely concerned of a possible break-in.

“I heard something, maybe someone, downstairs!” She gripped my hand tightly and tugged on my arm to get me to sit up. I obliged and yawned as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

“Are you sure?” I hated asking this sometimes because it made me sound like I was talking down to her but I didn’t want go all the way downstairs if I could just stick my head out of the bedroom door. Then all of a sudden there was a large BANG that came from down stairs. My head turned toward where I thought it was coming from. It sounded like the trash bins outside. Wide-eyed I opened the bedroom window and stuck my head out. The bins seemed undisturbed from where I saw them. But the motion detector light flashed one and I caught a fluttering shadow of something sneaking around the back door.

“You heard it too, right? What is it? What do you see out there?” I can hear her voice quivering as she clamored over to me by the window and grabbed me by the arm wanting to look outside and not wanting to look outside. I turned towards her and looked her in the eyes remembering to keep calm. There’s no point in escalating her already excited state.

“It might have been a raccoon,” It wasn’t a raccoon. “But I have to go downstairs to check to make sure they didn’t make a big mess in the driveway. Stay in bed and I’ll be right back up in a few minutes.” I put on my slippers and stepped outside the bedroom. My wife closed the door behind me. Click. She locked me out as she usually did when I had to leave her alone. We even had a special knock so she knew it was me who had returned. I have no shame in wanting to humor my otherwise perfect wife.

I ran downstairs, got a jacket, and put on my work boots. Industrial strength rubber and traction, the kind of boots that are issued to military personnel though when I was in the military mine didn’t look half this nice. These were designed to look like dress shoes from a far and helped me be light on my feet, which was helpful more for my wife who can’t stand the sound of our creaking floorboards in the middle of the night. “It sounds like an unwelcome guest sneaking about in the house,” she once told me. There was another rustling outside and I knew my wife heard it as I heard her fidget in bed upstairs.

The motion detector lights kept flashing on and I saw the silhouette of a rather large man just outside the kitchen window. He was whispering. I could barely hear him. Thankfully that meant my wife would likely not hear him at all. I couldn’t see who he was talking to but judging from the direction he was facing, they were planning on coming in through the back door. How cliché of them. I ran quickly out the front door and around the driveway to the back door. I hid just around the corner and stuck my head out to get an idea of who I was dealing with.

There were three of them all dressed in black hooded sweaters, wearing gloves. The one whose shadow I saw was closest to me doing a horrible job of keeping watch. While he was large, he wasn’t the largest one of the three. I can see why he was the lookout. The smallest one seemed to be in charge of picking the lock on the backdoor. It took him a little longer than he anticipated, a lock of my design made to look like a regular old doorknob. The largest man had a telescoping baton in his left hand, the kind that police officers use in England. His jacket was loose so I couldn’t tell if he had a gun, either way it looks like Omni Tech wasn’t looking to play nice.

I knew they would have the lookout stay outside to warn those inside should something thwart their plans to do whatever it is they hope to accomplish. I’m somewhat insulted that they think it would be so easy to break into my house and bring harm to my wife. I mean their lookout fell asleep as soon as the others were inside. It made it easier for me to get started. Quickly, I grabbed their lookout with a chokehold, not exactly legal but it gets the job done. I knew just when to let go so he doesn’t get any permanent damage and dragged his unconscious body to the garage where I took off his large hooded sweater and threw it on myself before tying and gagging him.

The little one seemed to be some sort bookish type. Amateur would think he was the brains of the group but he went straight for the computer possibly looking for files pertaining to whatever case my wife was working on. The leader of the group hardly goes around destroying evidence. With his size, it would be easy to just hit him over the head and carry him to the garage with the other one.

“Hey!” he said to me in a whisper that you could tell was supposed to be yelling. “You idiot! You’re supposed to be keeping watch!”

I didn’t respond. He had a short temper. I knew I could use it so I just shrugged at him hoping he couldn’t see my face under the hood. He stomped his way towards me, creaking the floorboards the entire way. Inconsiderate jerk, my wife was asleep. Couldn’t he keep it down?

“Shh!” said the biggest one. He didn’t say anything, just gestured for me to get back to my post and the small guy to get back to work. I saw him head upstairs and as soon as he was out of sight the little guy shoved me. I swung a right hook square on his jaw. The little one got knocked out faster than I thought he would. In his defense, he wasn’t expecting me to throw a punch his way. The other one was headed to the bedroom. No time to tie up this guy.

***

There isn’t much that intimidates my wife. She has made quite a career out of demolishing $2000-suit-wearing corporate lawyers and she’s quite good at it. Her most recent job is a real David and Goliath case involving Omni Tech, a company known for its less than savory business methods. But fortunately for “David” my wife makes an excellent slingshot. The only things that seem to scare my wife, however, are things that go bump in the night. Every few nights or so she’ll wake me up at one or two in the morning to check out some noise that usually turns out to be the house settling or some stray animal looking through the trash bins. But I don’t mind. There were much worse cases of paranoia in my experience working in high end security. Besides, I would hate for her to worry.

“Baby?” she whispered. “Baby, are you awake?” Just barely, but if it was really bothering her she’d keep trying to wake me. She grabbed my shoulder and shook me gently. I turned towards her and my lids reluctantly opened.

“What is it, sweetie? Are you okay?” I knew what she was going to ask me but every second I don’t have to get up is more than welcome.

“I think I heard something outside,” she said. “Didn’t you hear it?” She shook me again as I drifted back to sleep.

“Hear what?” I asked with my eyes closed again. All of a sudden there was a BANG! The ruckus widened my eyes as my wife’s grip on my arm tightened. I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.

“That!” she exclaimed in her yell that was somehow still a whisper.

It sounded like it was the trash bins again. I opened the bedroom window overlooking the backyard and stuck my head out. The bins seemed undisturbed lit by the motion detector lights in that corner of the house. I saw a shadow fluttering in the corner where the driveway ended just past the car port.

“Baby, what is it?” she asked. Her voice was wavering.

“It’s probably just a raccoon or something.” It wasn’t a raccoon. “I’ll go check it out. You stay here.” I went into the bedroom closet and put on shoes and my jacket that I wear for work. I patted the inside pocket and took out my telescoping baton. For reasons I won’t go into right now, I don’t carry firearms unless I’m on a job that warrants it. And this particular job didn’t seem to.

“Oh, honey, don’t kill it!” she implored, still yelling in whispers.

“I’m just going to scare it, sweetie.” I went downstairs and took my cell phone that I left on the coffee table and texted a friend of mine in the police department.

“Alert 5. No B&W’s. 7 min.” That was all it said on the text. Quietly, I scanned the house to make sure it was empty. I saw the silhouette of a rather large individual being cast on the drapes on the kitchen window.

The front door creaked as I slowly opened it and quickly made my way to the driveway. I saw an unfamiliar car on the street. Windows were tinted and there were no plates but the permit hanging on the rearview mirror bore the Omni Tech logo. I made my way towards the trash bins which, it seems, this would-be prowler must have tripped over. There was clicking and scraping just around the other corner that leads to the back door. He was trying to pick to the lock. Not surprised since I installed a non conspicuous camera near the front to deter would-be burglars.

With each step I hoped he wouldn’t turn around. The baton was above my head and I was about bring it down when AH-CHOO! My wife sneezed and startled the Omni Tech goon. I froze in place until he turned around and saw me. He didn’t make a sound as he lunged towards me. His hands grabbed my collar and he pushed me, trying to get my on the ground. I stepped aside guiding his momentum away from me and stuck out my foot. The intruder tripped as I stuck out my leg. There was a large crash as he fell into the trash bins. The only thing he got from me was a piece of my shirt as he fell.

I picked him up and tried to restrain him but he was stronger than he looked. This guy was strong, sure, but he was most definitely not a fighter of any kind. He wasn’t so much fighting as he was flailing his fists at me hoping to connect. I let him take a swing at me, then another and another and with the final swing I reached out and grabbed his wrist. Twisting his arm, I forced this intruder against the wall. While I was there I peeked into the kitchen to look at the clock mounted on the wall. My friend would arrive in 2 minutes if all went to plan.

His preferred method of fighting was to violently throw around brute force punches and shoulder lunges. It’s possible he was a defensive tackle at one point in his life the way he moved. Perhaps he was hired more to intimidate my wife rather than hurt her. Either way, I wasn’t letting him anywhere near her. This thug, pinned up against my wall, grunted in frustration. I felt him kick his foot up against the wall and push hard flinging the two of us to the ground. I swung the baton at his lower back. It wouldn’t hurt him but it would anger him. And I needed him angry. He’s too strong for me to takedown if he’s got a level head. One thing I didn’t anticipate was how fast he was.

This guy was on his feet before I knew what was going on and he drove his shoulder into my gut and knocked me back down. Wind was knocked out of me but I was going to be fine. Definitely a former defensive tackle. I spat in his face, and he snarled and growled as he charged. Just before he hit me I quickly stepped aside and ducked, swinging down at his left knee with all my might. I planted my right foot into the ground concentrated all the force into my left foot kicking him in his hip knocking him off balance, guiding his charging head into one of the columns holding up the roof of the car port. And just like that he was out cold.

A car pulled up in front of the house. It was my friend who arrived just in time (exactly seven minutes after I texted him). We used to work security together but he decided to go back to the police force. And we do little favors like this for each other all the time. Alert 5 was our code for backup that was needed but not horribly urgent, a code we came up with when we did security consultation some years back. I knew I’d need to get rid of this guy and his car but didn’t see the point in alerting the entire neighborhood (much less my wife) to something that would be easily handled anyway. So I asked for no B&W’s, that is, no black and white squad cars. He’s a good guy and took care of everything as I went back into the house and back to the bedroom.

“Oh, my God! Sweetie, what happened to your shirt?” my wife asked as I put my jacket and shoes back in the bedroom closet.

“The guy was bigger than I thought,” I responded. “He put up more of a fight than I thought he would.”

“Are you hurt?” she asked looking to see if I was injured. “What did you find out there?”

“I’m not hurt. I’m okay. Can’t say the same for my shirt though,” I said as I climbed back in bed. “And it was just a raccoon messing around the trash again.”

She had a big meeting the next morning concerning the Omni Tech case and she could use all the sleep she could get. Besides, I would hate for her to worry.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

The Surprising Race*




*Translated from the alien language of Zirleeng

-Following Transmission: Sent-

From the desk of Emperor Bloxquarz M of Slog-Nom
RE: Project Canaan, Reconnaissance Team No. 16121917

Request an update for the flava-heliocentric system that you found in a spiral galaxy some years ago. All that we know is that Planet Three has shown signs of sentient life with limited capabilities to communicate using radio waves. I would like an update from the science officer, military command, and your lone field agent. Please enclose in your updates whether the life form on this planet warrants a threat to us or should be left alone.

-End Transmission-

**Incoming Transmission**
Source: Reconnaissance Team No. 16121917, Planet Three
Science Officer ii reporting

When we first discovered this planet I immediately deployed bio-probes to the surface in order to procure as much information as I could before reporting back. Not unlike our own physiology, all life forms on Planet Three are dependent on the presence of dihydrogen monoxide of which there is plenty here. In fact, it makes up more than two thirds of the planet, very similar to the only sentient life forms present here. The tragedy of this species seems to be that they did not achieve sentience together. The patches of land that we observed while in orbit were a result of tectonic activity leaving many of these creatures (who have given themselves the names “humans”) to evolve separate of each other.

On the one hand, the geographical separation of the species has made them quite versatile in their ability to survive. On the other, it has served as the basis of many conflicts some groups somehow thinking they are superior to another and so forth. The idea is absurd but continues to fuel many of the ongoing battles of humans along with limited resources.

Many natural disasters occur here, the sources of which vary but nothing that would consistently harm the balance of life on this planet. For example there are no magnetic storms or acid showers that could be compared to the worst cases on Slog-Nom. Humans have observed these natural phenomena and, possibly early in their development, assumed that they were the doings (or punishments rather) of a greater consciousness. These assumptions would become beliefs and then ritualized and combined with aspects of their equivalent of philosophy to form crude religions. Some power-hungry humans have been known to take advantage of this common belief system to manipulate them into more conflict. To what end? Possibly, power over each other but it’s difficult to say merely from bio-probes.

Their technology, though they still haven’t mastered quantum computers, is astounding once you take into consideration that they have only recently discovered civilization, approximately 10,000 to 15,000 of their heliocentric revolutions (what they call years). The basis for deep space travel was discovered quite recently by some of their more brilliant minds but they have yet to achieve the necessary engineering prowess to manipulate dark matter or control the chaos of black holes. The politics that have arisen from their primitive civilizations seem less and less interested in scientific progress and more and more interested in how they can destroy one another for some reason. And they certainly have the capabilities though their atomic bombs would barely scratch the surface of our shields.

Suggestion: They have yet to discover the presence of fifth dimensional elements on Planet Three (These humans have come to call their home “Earth,” a fact that was learned by hacking into their archaic binary computer systems). But rather than wait for them, I feel it is in the best interest of Project Canaan to mine these fifth dimensional elements and destroy any resistance. I feel that we can do so efficiently and leave enough of them for them to rebound their numbers. Given their relative youth as a species, the human race has an amazing capacity to surprise even me on a regular basis.

**End Transmission**

**Incoming Transmission**
Source: Reconnaissance Team No. 16121917, Planet Three
Military Command reporting, General VXZ reporting

As you have read from Science Officer ii’s report of the planet we have managed to translate their crude binary systems and from our ship we have been able to extract all necessary information about their defenses. The history of their technology seems to be centered on the propagation or destruction of their own species. As expected, the most advanced of their technology was found in their military databases and it is safe to report that they have not come up with anything that would do us any immediate harm. A simple tactical deployment of a few attack-droids on key areas on the planet would ensure their swift defeat.

However it should be noted that a lot of their technological leaps have been due to what they perceived as a threat to their own sub-groups (what they refer to as “countries” or “territories”). The most destructive of these devices is their atomic bomb which is much like our neutron detonators only their version was, at one point, used as a deterrent to instigate acts of war. While we use it as a power source for single-planar transportation, they used it as a weapon against each other.

They have achieved a semblance of space travel but haven’t been able to send more than a handful of themselves any farther than their only moon. They have several artificial satellites in orbit as well as a few space stations. But it’s used for the exchange of information and not so much a defense against outside threats. I’m beginning to think that they have no connection with any other life form other than the small planet they call home and I am unsure as to how they will respond should we make our presence known to them.

Suggestion: Emperor, you know that I have never been one to underestimate a threat or an enemy. And while these humans don’t have the capability to even penetrate our lowliest ships’ shields, I believe they will get there with time. I’m going to have to agree with Science Officer ii’s assessment of mining the fifth dimensional elements but will have to suggest that we completely annihilate the human race. It won’t take them long to discover how to develop weapons systems like ours if we were to leave any chance to recover from our attacks. It would not surprise me at all if these humans become capable of destroying our fleet, given enough time to study our defenses and technology. After all, they have shown that they are more than willing to turn weapons against their own kind, what more of us?

**End Transmission**

**Incoming Transmission**
Source: Reconnaissance Team No. 16121917, Planet Three (Surface)
Field Agent Omega (Codename: Mr. Matheson) reporting

With all due respect to Science Officer ii and General VXZ, I feel that I am the most qualified to speak on behalf of the human race. It’s been approximately 50 Earth years since I was first teleported to the surface of this planet and my holographic card seems to be maintaining the illusion that I am a human. I apologize for the lateness of my reply but a tragedy has struck the little town that I had called home for the past ten years. It seems a man that I thought I knew well enough had committed one of the worst travesties an individual could commit. He had murdered his wife and two children before turning the weapon on himself and taking his own life.

Humanity really does have an amazing capacity to surprise me again and again. This town was supposed to be the epitome of a “perfect” place to live by the standards of those that live in this country. It was the “perfect” family in a “perfect” situation. They should have been happy. They should have been set for life. But something like this happens with little to no warning or explanation. A pall of sadness has been pulled over the entire town as its size has qualified its members to be like extended family to one another (even though there are no blood ties). There was grief and sadness and anger spreading throughout the culture of the town. Admittedly, I know this sounds like an event that would justify wiping out the planet but hear me out. Just a few hours later, something completely unexpected happened (unexpected for most other species that I have observed).

There was an outpouring from the nation, and after a few hours more from the rest of the world. It was awe-inspiring. It was as if the pain of a few individuals echoed the sentiments of complete strangers, as if their collective consciousness manifested itself in their time of need. Complete strangers would send cards and letters, create works of arts for the people of this town. They would send money if they couldn’t create anything. Others would visit to lend hugs. World leaders shed tears for these citizens who were just a day before were completely anonymous outside their little town. Humans are capable of as much love as they are hate, for better or for worse. Humanity really does have an amazing capacity to surprise me again and again.

Suggestion: Leave them be. We have much we can learn from them. Their interconnectedness is what carried them so far in such a short amount of time. There is no reason to make that their greatest weapon against us.

Formal Request: If it pleases the Emperor, I wish to stay among these humans a bit longer. Not necessarily in an academic capacity, but I rather do enjoy their company.

**End Transmission**

-Following Transmission: Sent-

From the desk of Emperor Bloxquarz M of Slog-Nom
RE: Project Canaan, Reconnaissance Team No. 16121917

While I understand that there is an abundance of fifth dimension elements on Planet Three, I am intrigued by the nature of these humans. They certainly are a surprising race, no matter how you look at it. And if they are unaware of the fifth dimension elements, then there is no rush to mine the planet. After all, many of the great races of the Intergalactic Union were created under very similar circumstances.  Reconnaissance Team No. 16121917 has permission to return home and Mr. Matheson has his permission to remain on Earth on the stipulation that he reports back to us on a regular basis. Should the humans reach the point that they discover these fifth dimension elements, I would very much like to extend a diplomatic hand and welcome them to their rightful place as a great race in this vast universe.

-End Transmission-